i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
