I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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