spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
