gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This house was built for laser tag.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
