he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
