Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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