i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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