If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
