Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
