The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
