hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
