My nipple is on Facebook.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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