a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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