i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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