just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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