You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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