All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
