she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
