i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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