well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
