I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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