none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
