he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
