You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
