Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
