my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
