i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
