she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
