i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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