That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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