I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
