if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
