then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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