Christians are straight up FREAKS
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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