They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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