ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
