the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
