it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My balls are so social today.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
