she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
