All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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