ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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