I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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