u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
