I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
