Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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