I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
