He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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