Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
