the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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