a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
