her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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