She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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