Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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