Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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