just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
