just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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