I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
