Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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