i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
